The Assimilation of Pantherlily
by The Evil Stick
Summary: Gajeel has obsessed over getting a cat for a long time so he wreaks havoc on his Fairy Tail comrades trying to make his new exceed comfortable. See what Pantherlily had to endure after he was displaced from Edolas. Rated T for language and intimidation.
1. Litterbox

The Evil Stick welcomes you to a new short story! A virtual high-five to Hiro Mashima, who created and owns Fairy Tail! This short piece stems off of Gajeel's obsession to find a cat and explores Lily's suspicion of that obsession. Enjoy.

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**Litterbox**

After watching the reunion of Lisanna with her brother and sister, everyone who came through the anima started parting ways and happily headed home. It was a rainy evening in the unfamiliar Earthland and it was getting dark fast. He had to find somewhere to stay before the thunder comes.

Pantherlily watched as Happy enthusiastically followed Natsu to Lucy's house after being promised a fish dinner. Erza escorted Wendy home after Carla insisted on getting her out of the rain so she wouldn't catch a cold and Gray quietly left toward his own home.

"You're my cat now. You can stay at my house." Gajeel gruffly offered to the misplaced exceed.

Lily crossed is arms over his small chest, "I will accept the invitation for tonight, but I'm not a cat and I'm definitely not your cat."

"Stay at my house longer. Salamander's cat stays with him and Wendy's cat stays at her house. It's fate." Gajeel answered a little annoyed.

"I don't want to intrude. If I like your house I will stay as long as I am paying rent, but I won't stay just because you have insecurities over being the only dragon slayer without an exceed companion," Lily clarified defiantly.

"Gihi! I guarantee you will feel right at home!" Gajeel puffed out his chest arrogantly.

Pantherlily followed Gajeel down a path that led into the woods outside of Magnolia. They came upon a log-like cabin that was made out of steel log structures instead of wood logs. Gajeel stopped the exceed about 15 feet from the cabin.

"This is my door. The cat door is on the ledge above." Gajeel pointed up to a ledge about 10 feet off the ground.

Lily looked at Gajeel, "How is a cat supposed to get up there?"

Gajeel shrugged, "I knew my cat would have wings. There is no lock on that door so you can come and go as you please."

Lily watched him as he entered the house through his large human size doorway. He activated his wings and flew onto the ledge. Sure enough, there was a small exceed-sized metal door built high up into the wall. Lily admired the craftsmanship and the thought put into adding a special door for an exceed. He turned the knob and entered finding himself on another ledge in the cabin's living room.

Gajeel was standing in the middle of the living room with his hands on his hips smiling proudly, "I knew it! I made it the perfect size!"

"You made this door?" Lily shut his custom made door behind him.

"Yup! I made this whole house, but I installed the cat door a few weeks ago," he puffed out his chest with pride.

"We've only known each other for less than a day" Lily pointed out.

"I knew you were coming," Gajeel plopped down on the single couch that sat in the living room and gestured Lily to sit on the side table next to him. "I have your throne right here, Buddy."

Lily raised an eyebrow at the tall metal table with a cat bed that sat on top of it. The Iron Dragon just seemed a little too excited to have him staying at his house and it was obvious that Gajeel had been preparing for the arrival of an exceed for sometime. He floated down to the cat bed and found himself sitting at eyelevel with Gajeel.

"Well? How do you like it? I made it for you a few months ago." Gajeel gave another proud smile.

"It's comfy. I can't figure out if this is creepy or if…" Lily paused trying to think of the right word.

"It's fate," Gajeel insisted with his most serious face. "You were always meant to be my cat. You are even my favorite color - black."

Lily sighed, "Lets get this straight. I am not a cat, I am an exceed. And if this is going to work, you have to treat me as a comrade, an equal. I will never be anyone's pet."

"You're my cat! Wendy and Salamander have cat partners! I'm the only Dragon Slayer that works alone!" Gajeel exclaimed.

Lily saw the passion in Gajeel's eyes, "You say the other two exceeds are partners with their Dragon Slayers?"

"Yes! I'm the only Dragon Slayer without a cat! I've never had a partner before!" Gajeel was tired of trying to explain himself.

"Fine. I'll be your exceed and you're my dragon." Lily realized that, to Gajeel, a cat to a Dragon Slayer is a partner or rite of passage.

"Gihi! I have everything you need here." Gajeel reached for his storage ottoman and started pulling out various objects that puzzled his new exceed.

*ring ring ring* Gajeel joyously jiggled a ball with a bell in the middle and held it in front of Lily's face.

"What the fuck is that?" Lily asked, unamused.

"Uh, it's a cat toy. Cat's love these things." He then pulled out a long plastic rod with a feathered flying fish toy attached to it by a long string and dangled it in front of Lily's face.

"Get that out of my face or I will morph back into my original body and tear you apart," Lily gritted his teeth.

"Ahem," Gajeel fake coughed and put the cat toys back into the ottoman and closed it. "So, you're a bit more mature than I anticipated. That's okay. Last week I forced a wood maker mage in our guild to make a scratching post for you." He pointed to a tall wooden structure in the corner of the living room.

"You want me to scratch that thing?" Lily was confused again.

"I'm just saying, if you ever want some exercise then that is there for you," Gajeel felt a little embarrassed again.

"I'm the First Division Commander of Edolas' Royal Army. If I need exercise then I'll pick up a sword and spar with someone," Pantherlily was clearly annoyed with his new dragon slayer.

"Well, Salamander's cat is a weak pansy. He doesn't exercise at all so I wasn't sure what you would need." Gajeel leaned back into his couch thinking. "Hey, maybe you should fight him to prove to the guild that you are the strongest."

"I won't fight Happy," the exceed was starting to get angry.

"Right. So how do you guys establish dominance? Do you spray your territory?"

"I'll say this again. We are exceeds! Not cats!" Lily's little fangs came out.

"Right, right. Well, Salamander's cat has a huge crush on Wendy's cat. Maybe you can be the leader of the pack if you steal her away from him." Gajeel got a wicked smile on his face.

"You fool! I'm not trying to prove anything to anybody! I will not allow you to use me to hurt Happy or his dragon slayer!" Lily was yelling in Gajeel's face.

"Okay. Well, the celestial mage has a little white snowman spirit so maybe if you kick it's ass then…"

"What the fuck are you talking about?! There's no need to pick a fight with a celestial spirit or whatever it is! If you just brought me here to just fight other animals then maybe I should just leave…" Lily opened his wings and flew to his ledge in the living room. Just as his hand reached the tiny door knob Gajeel called out to him.

"Wait! I just want everyone at the guild to know how strong you are. You don't have to fight if you don't want to. I have been waiting for you for a long time so don't let something like this make you leave," Gajeel's voice gave off a desperate tone that made Lily stop from turning the door knob.

Lily slowly turned around to face his immature dragon slayer. While he had many qualities that annoyed the older exceed, Lily could still see that Gajeel was good at heart and he would benefit from having a more experienced partner. The poor dragon slayer needed guidance and the exceed wanted to get into Fairy Tail, "Will you drop the subject?"

"Absolutely, Buddy! Besides, I have more things to show you!" Gajeel flashed his canines in another proud grin.

Lily groaned in frustration. He knew that prideful grin meant that Gajeel had crafted more items for him. "It better not be more cat toys."

"No, I promise no more toys," Gajeel arrogantly smirked.

With a sigh, Pantherlily followed Gajeel into the bathroom. He knew this wasn't going to go well.

"I already made a litter box for you, Buddy! So you don't have to go in the woods!" Gajeel put his hands on his hips and smiled in triumph.

Lily looked at the small metal box filled with sand, "Are you serious?! I am an exceed! Not a damn cat! I use the toilet like normal people!"

"Well… uh… you see… " Gajeel stammered and then picked up the box and discarded it in the trash bin.

"Does Happy use a litter box?!" Lily's fangs were bared.

"I… I… don't know…" Gajeel was red with embarrassment.

"You. Don't. Know." The small exceed growled in frustration, "I get the feeling that you didn't even bother to find out anything about him or Carla before you decided it was fate."

"I didn't mean to offend you, I just wanted everything to be perfect for when you showed up," Gajeel looked dejected.

"I know. I can see you went through a lot of trouble to make an exceed feel welcome in your home, even if you didn't know anything about exceeds." Lily rubbed his temples with his tiny finger pads, "I appreciate the hard work you put into my… assimilation."

"I don't know what that means, but it was no problem," Gajeel patted Lily's head. "Let me show you to your bed now!"

Lily followed Gajeel into the only room in the small house. He was interested in seeing the bed since he was tired and just wanted to lay down before the storm got any worse.

Lily's jaw dropped when he saw his bed sitting next to larger king sized bed. There was an oversized red velvety cushion that sat on top of a short metal pedestal. Behind it, there was black satin fabric that hung from the ceiling down to the floor as a backdrop making the small bed give off a royal appearance.

The exceed smirked, "Well, that's more like it. I've never been put on a pedestal before."

"Do you like it?" Gajeel asked with hopeful eyes.

Lily smiled, "It's adequate. I think I will go to sleep now."

Gajeel gave a genuine smile and lifted his new partner onto his new bed and then he flopped down on his own bed. He gave a low chuckle, "Sorry about the litter box."

Lily also chuckled, "That's okay. The custom door and the bed made up for the litter box."

"Glad to hear it. Goodnight, Buddy." Gajeel yawned.

"Goodnight, Gajeel," Lily closed his eyes and fell instantly to sleep after the longest day that he has had since his banishment from Extalia.

*Boom* About a half hour later, the thunder started striking.

Pantherlily startled and forgot where he was for split second. He dove under the covers next to Gajeel and covered his ears.

"Lily?" Gajeel lifted the covers and peeked in on the shivering exceed. "What's wrong?"

"No-nothing," he replied with wide eyes.

Just then the thunder boomed again and he cringed.

"Are you afraid of the thunder?" Gajeel raised a metal studded eyebrow at the cat.

"Sh-shut up!" Lily tried to sound threatening, but his voice quavered.

Gajeel reached under the covers and pulled Lily against his body "You're safe when you're with me. I promise."

"If you tell anyone about my fear of thunder, I will paint the guild red with you intestines," the little exceed growled while snuggling into Gajeel.

"Are you kidding? If anyone knew that Black Steel Gajeel cuddled with cute little kittens then I would never get a job ever again," Gajeel chuckled as he tucked the blankets around Lily.

Pantherlily's body slowly stopped shaking and his breath became deeper. Gajeel closed his eyes, satisfied that his new cat was asleep. The last thought that went through his head was who he would have to threaten to get plushy toy Pantherlily's onto shelves in the gift shop and to complete his figurines…

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Well? What did you think? Gajeel and Pantherlily are one odd team. The Evil Stick couldn't end a story with sap so Gajeel's sweet dreams of threatening people had to be the end of the story. **Review** and check out my other stories!


	2. Kiwis and Figurines

Originally, this story was supposed to be a one-shot, but The Evil Stick sucks at writing one shots since it always turns into something more. This fic picks up on the morning after Lily is spewed from the anima. This will probably be the last chapter… can't make any promises though.

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**Kiwis and Figurines**

Gajeel woke up to the smell of his new exceed partner. He smirked to himself as he remembered how much Pantherlily liked the bed that he made for him. He took a peek out of one eye to the luxurious cat bad that he set upon a pedestal and saw that the exceed wasn't there. He grunted as he remembered that Lily got in his bed with him on his first night on Earthland because he was afraid of the thunder. He reached for the exceed and when he realized his partner was gone, he sat straight up.

"Lily?!"

Gajeel lifted the blankets and peeked under them and sniffed around for a fresher scent, but the exceed must have been gone for about 30 minutes now.

"LILY!"

In a panic, Gajeel scrambled to check the bathroom, kitchen, and living room, but there was no sign of the displaced exceed anywhere.

The Iron Dragon collapsed onto his knees in the middle of the living room with tears in his eyes, "Maybe the bed was not soft enough…" he sniffed "No… it had to be the litter box…"

Just then, he heard the sound of a small door open. He quickly wiped his eyes and looked up to the ledge of the metal cat door. Lily was standing up there holding a small basket.

"Lily! I thought you left!" Gajeel smiled wide at the sight of the exceed.

"I did. I left to get breakfast since you have nothing in your refrigerator. You were sleeping peacefully so I didn't want to wake you." He opened his wings and flew to the kitchen were he placed the basket on the counter. "Earthland has funny looking animals. I found some furry things growing on trees. Are these things edible?"

Gajeel peaked into the basket and saw it was filled with kiwis. He pulled some out to wash them, "Yup! These are called kiwis. There are plenty of wild kiwi trees around here."

After he washed and peeled them, he gave some to his new exceed. Lily's eyes popped open as he took the first bite and a wide smile spread across his face.

"Th-this is the most delicious thing I've ever tasted…" he stared at the green seeded fruit.

Gajeel smirked, "Have you decided to stay yet? I can make the room sound proof so you can sleep through thunder storms."

"Hmm…if you make a thunder proof room then I would almost be obligated to stay. However, I meant what I said about contributing to household bills. I wouldn't feel right unless I paid my share in the rent." Lily took another bite of kiwi.

"Consider the room sound proof, Buddy!" Gajeel pounded his chest with pride. "And you don't have to worry about paying rent. I have none since I built the cabin myself using my own magic. I also got the permit to build for free."

"How did you get it for free?" Lily raised an eyebrow.

"I just threatened a few people, in their homes, in the middle of the night," Gajeel smirked devilishly.

Lily stared at Gajeel until he realized that he wasn't joking around about threatening people, "You don't need to be threatening people. You just need to learn how communicate more efficiently."

"I communicate efficiently. I pretty much get everything I want. Most of the time I don't even have to threaten people since I usually get what I want when I first ask." Gajeel casually took a bite of his kiwi.

The exceed sighed and rubbed his temples. It appeared he had a lot to teach his new dragon slayer about communicating with others, especially within the guild. "I'm going out for a quick fly so I can survey the area. I will meet you at the guild later to see about joining."

Gajeel smiled, "Alight then, I have a few things I need to take of anyway. I'll see you at the guild later, Buddy!"

**At the Fairy Tail guild:**

Gajeel watched from the shadows as Mira prepared the guild for it's first guests. She hummed happily as she mopped the floors and wiped down table tops. Nothing would ruin the she-demon's day.

Just as she finished hanging job flyers on the request board, she turned around to find she was face-to-face with dark red eyes glaring back into her own. She gasped as she was roughly shoved into the wall behind her.

"Oh, my. You took me by surprise, Gajeel," Mira giggled as Gajeel finished bolting the metal pieces that wrapped around her arms to the wall. "You haven't bolted me to a wall since the first time you performed 'Best Friend' onstage for your comrades-" Her voice was cut off as the iron dragon stuffed a rag into her mouth.

"I'll be the one talking, Demon." Gajeel crossed his arms over his chest.

Mira nodded her head enthusiastically.

"I got my cat last night. I want to know who manufactures the figurines and collectables in the souvenir shop." He removed the gag from her mouth so she could answer him.

"Well, I manage everything indoors. It's Max that manages the outdoor café and souvenir shop outside so you would have to ask hi-," Mira continued to smile as Gajeel stuffed the gag back into her mouth.

"Lily likes kiwi. Do you have any here in the guild for him?"

Mira looked puzzled for a moment before she shook her head no.

"Get some! He will be here later to join the guild."

Mira's eyes shone with curiosity as she nodded her head yes.

Gajeel glowered as he leaned down to eye level with his captive, "My Pantherlily won't have any problems getting his stamp, will he?"

Mira giggled as Gajeel removed the rag from her mouth, "Of course not! Any friend of yours is more than welcome to join Fairy Tai-" The gag was roughly shoved back into her mouth to prevent her from talking further.

"There better not be. If anything goes wrong, I can easily sniff out where you live and make you pay for offending my cat," Gajeel growled as he disappeared back into the shadows of the guild just as quickly as he appeared.

Just then, the guild doors swung open revealing the day's first visitors.

Macao and Wacaba passed out from nose bleeds at the sight of Mira gagged and bolted to the wall.

**Outside of the Fairy Tail guild:**

Gajeel watched from the shadows as Max began to open up Fairy Tail's gift shop for the day. He whistled a merry tune as he counted the cash in the register and recorded inventory. Business was going well for the sand mage and he couldn't wait until he could report revenue to Master.

He continued to whistle as he dusted off the figurines of his guild mates. "Ah, my best selling figurines," he smiled as he started dusting off the Lucy figurines that loose its clothes when a button is pushed.

*CRUNCH* A large metal mallet crushed the majority of the Lucy figurines.

Max gulped. This isn't the first time Gajeel has paid him a visit…

_Flashback:_

_Gajeel just arrived back at the guild after a dangerous secret mission for Master. He was already in a bad mood when he heard laughing along with his name. He realized it was coming from customers at the souvenir shop._

"_I'm a fan of Gajeel and all, but who wants to buy a figure of him that's incomplete?"_

"_I know. I would rather take a figure of Salamander and Happy together than one of Gajeel with an empty stand next to him. It looks tacky."_

_Max flashed his best salesman smile, "Well, the Wendy and Salamander figurines come with their cats attached to the base. Gajeel doesn't have a cat yet so when he gets one, you can bring the figurine back and we will attach the accompanying figure of his cat to the base."_

_The customers laughed again, "You mean, IF he gets a cat. Black Steel Gajeel has a reputation for being as mean as they come."_

"_Who knows, maybe the poor cat ran away the first chance it got."_

_Max laughed along with the customers as Gajeel looked on with angry veins bulging out of his forehead and cheeks. As soon as the customers left, Gajeel stomped into the souvenir shop and smashed up all of the Natsu figurines and threatened Max's life after shoving a broomstick up his assets._

_End Flashback_

"Ah, hello Gajeel." Max was already visibly sweating and shaking.

Gajeel's hand morphed into a large saw. "I got my cat last night. I expect to see Pantherlily figurines attached to the base of mine by this afternoon," he growled out.

"Uh, Reedus is the person who m-makes the figurines. H-he uses his picto magic. Get them from him and then I will attach them onto your figurines." Max backed away from the angry dragon slayer.

"You better." Gajeel's red eyes darted around the shop. "I also want to see Lily towels, Lily mugs, Lily pens, Lily paper weights, and make sure the Lily posters are bigger than the blue cat posters!"

Max whimpered as the iron dragon lifted his saw closer to his neck, "S-sure."

"AND MAKE SURE THE STUFFED LILY'S ARE EXTRA PLUSHY!" Gajeel used his saw to slice off the heads of the stuffed Happy dolls.

Max fell to the floor crying as Gajeel stomped out of the souvenir shop.

**In the basement of Fairy Tail:**

Gajeel watched from the shadows as Reedus awkwardly maneuvered his large, round body around the pool table. He was beating Laki at a game of eight-ball and was beaming. The wager was a trade of the magic makes.

He smiled as he thought of new custom cherry wood frames displaying his most favorite portraits.

*SLAM* Reedus jumped and Laki screamed as a metal studded hand slammed onto the middle of the pool table. A pair of red eyes stared at his prey.

Laki gulped. This isn't the first time Gajeel has paid her a visit…

_Flashback:_

_Laki wiped the sweat off of her brow as she admired her newest contraption to add to her beloved torture chamber. Her wood-maker skills were improving since she could create more advanced wooden machinery every time she invents a new torture device._

"_How thoughtful. Looks like you prepared the room for your own interrogation. That makes this easier for me…" A voice rasped from the dark corner of her room._

"_Who's there?!" Laki demanded._

_All she could see was red eyes staring at her from the shadowy corner of her room._

_Gajeel stepped into the light with an evil glint in his eye, "I need you to make a scratching post for me. I'm going to adopt a cat." He smirked with pride._

_Laki readjusted her glasses, "What kind of cat do you plan on adopting?"_

"_A cat like Salamander's blue cat," Gajeel growled through his teeth._

"_Does Happy even have claws?" Laki raised an eyebrow._

"_IT DOESN'T MATTER!" Gajeel punched her favorite guillotine and smashed it into peices. "MAKE ME A SCRATCHING POST!"_

"_O-okay…"_

_End Flashback_

Reedus hid behind Laki as she shivered under the iron dragon's gaze.

"Wh-what do you want, Gajeel?" Laki's voice quavered a bit.

"I want you," Gajeel pointed to the French painter behind her, "to make some figurines of my cat. Immediately."

Laki gave a sigh of relief when she realized it wasn't her the dragon slayer needed.

"Oui." Reedus pulled out his paintbrush and paints. "Pardon. Where is the cat? I need to see it in order to paint and create the figurines."

"Oh… well, he will be here at the guild very soon." Gajeel heard a loud squeal from upstairs and sniffed the air. He put his hands on his hips and smirked, "My Lily just arrived."

**Upstairs in the Fairy Tail guild:**

*SQUEAL* Mira dropped her tray of mugs onto the floor as she eyed the black exceed that floated into the guild. "You must be Pantherlily!"

"Yes, Ma'am. That is correct. I would like to speak to the Master about joining Fairy Tail." The exceed bowed politely.

Master Makarov smiled. Erza had woke him up late last night at his home to inform him that Lisanna had returned and another exceed would like to become a member. "I am the Master. Have you already decided where you want your stamp?"

"Ma-master?" Lily stuttered in shock. "That fast? I haven't had a chance to properly introduce myself, yet…"

Mira smiled and held up the stamp and some ink colors, "Pick a color, Pantherlily."

"Grey is fine," Lily turned around so the bartender could stamp his back. He thanked her when she finished.

"It's nice to finally meet you, Pantherlily." Makarov held a hand up to greet the newest exceed member. "It will be nice to see Gajeel interact with a partner. He's a good person… I think." The old Master rubbed his chin in thought.

Pantherlily nodded his head in agreement, "Yes, I believe he is a good person. He just needs a little guidance. I used to be the First Division Commander of the Edolas Army. I have trained many soldiers like him and turned them into fine, upstanding citizens. Gajeel may need a little extra attention, though."

Master Makarov smiled, "Well, then. It's a pleasure having someone with your experience on the team."

"DEMON WOMAN! GET YOUR STAMP READY FOR MY LILY!" Gajeel came stomping up the stairs dragging Reedus and Laki by the collars. "PICTO-FREAK! PAINT HIS PORTAIT!" Gajeel dropped them both on the ground and they scrambled away from him.

Pantherlily paled at the sight of Gajeel bullying his comrades.

Mira sighed, "It's so cute how passionate he is over the comfort of his new friend…" Her eyes turned into shiny hearts.

"Passionate is not the word I would use…" Master shook his head and took a sip of his beer.

"GAJEEL!" Erza yelled out Gajeel's name and pointed a sword at him. "I found Max outside crying when I arrived at the guild this morning! Then when I came inside I found Macao and Wacaba unconscious on the floor and Mira bolted to the wall! Now I see you attacked Laki and Reedus too?! Prepare to be punished!"

Gajeel smirked, "Come at me with your swords, Titania. I'm hungry for metal this morning. Besides, I know nothing about those two losers being unconscious on the floor. I didn't hurt anyone this morning."

The redhead requipped into her Heaven's Wheel armor and Gajeel's eyes went wide as 100 swords appeared around him, pointing straight at his body.

"Can you eat 100 swords at the same time? Add 100 extra swords for lying about attacking Macao and Wacaba. There was blood everywhere around their bodies!" The number of Erza's swords doubled around the iron dragon slayer.

"Shit…" Gajeel's smirk faded.

All of Gajeel's comrades winced and looked away as Erza's 200 swords raced towards the iron dragon. No one wanted to be in his path when he regained consciousness.

Pantherlily rubbed his temples and grumbled something incoherent.

Master Makarov placed a hand on the exceed's shoulder, "You have a lot of work ahead of you, my child."

Lily sighed, "I realize that…"

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Thanks for reading! The next story that will be updated is "Wendy's First S-Class Mission." **Review and follow The Evil Stick!**


	3. Thunderproof

First off, The Evil Stick would like to give a big thanks to **XXinsidemymindXX** for help correcting some mistakes from the previous chapters and proofreading this chapter for you to read! Also, a big thank you to Hiro Mashima, the owner and creator of Fairy Tail!

Here is the (extra long) final chapter of _The Assimilation of Pantherlily_. Enjoy.

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**Thunderproof**

Gajeel watched from the shadows as Lucy made herself a sandwich in the comfort of her own kitchen. She just got back from the guild to have lunch and was in a great mood. Earlier this morning, Lisanna visited the guild for the first time since her presumed death 3 years prior. The guild was overjoyed to have her back and Master Makarov announced a party to celebrate her return in the evening. She smiled at her canis minor spirit and handed him a lollipop.

"Isn't it amazing, Plue? Lisanna never died and everyone is happy again. You should have seen the look on Natsu's face when he figured out that the Lisanna in the bushes was his Lisanna from childhood. I'm so happy for him!" She smiled and took a bite of her sandwich.

*SNAP* She jumped and turned around with her hand on her keys only to see Gajeel throw a broken piece of her kitchen faucet in his mouth and crunch down on it.

"Stainless steel tastes the best when it's slightly wet." He licked his lips and gave his most intimidating grin.

"DON'T EAT MY PLUMBING!" Lucy pulled out Loke's key, "OPEN GA-!"

*SLAM* Gajeel pinned her against the wall with one hand tightly wrapped around her wrist that held the key and large hand covering her mouth so she couldn't call out her spirit.

"Gihi!" He got this hungry look in his eyes as he sniffed the golden key in her hand. "You know, gold is just another form of metal. Those keys would be considered a delicacy for someone who eats metal…" He licked his lips and smirked devilishly.

Lucy's eyes widened. This wasn't the first time Gajeel had paid her a visit…

_Flashback:_

_Lucy let the warm water soak into her skin and relax her muscles, "Ahhh, Plue, I'm so relieved that no one was in my apartment when I got here. I really needed some 'me' time to relax in the bathtub." She smiled and sunk further into the bath._

"_Pu-puuuun…" The wrinkled little dog spirit agreed as he floated in the bath water next to his master._

"_Finally, I actually have time to properly groom myself." She pulled out a nail clipper and started grooming herself._

_A raspy voice echoed in the bathroom, "What kind of sick fuck trims their toenails in the bath tub? And do all celestial mages get naked with their spirits?"_

"_Who's there?!" Lucy covered her breasts and searched for the intruder._

"_Up here, Moron." The mocking voice came from above._

_Lucy looked up to see Gajeel crouched on the ceiling looking down at her with his lips curled in disgust. He retracted his metal spikes back into his hands and feet and landed gracefully on the floor like a cat._

"_DON'T PUT HOLES IN MY CEILING!" Lucy screeched with a fist in the air._

_He smirked and took a bite out of some scrap metal he had found._

"_DON'T EAT MY SILVERWARE!"_

"_Hmm… That nail clipper looks delicious." Gajeel put his hands on his hips._

_Lucy hid the nail clipper behind her back and realized that she just flashed Gajeel a full view of her breasts._

_He laughed in triumph, "I didn't think you were really that stupid!"_

_Lucy turned red in embarrassment and covered her breasts again, "Why does everyone always break into my home?"_

"_More importantly, toenails shouldn't be that thick or have a greenish tint to them. They also smell infected so you might want to have a doctor take look at that. Gross..." Gajeel curled his lip in disgust._

"_GET OUT OF MY HOME!" Lucy screeched at the dragon slayer._

_He growled and roughly grabbed her by the hair and raised her to eyelevel, "Did you forget who you were talking to?"_

_She shivered in the cold air while making sure she covered herself, "Wh-what do you want?"_

"_I want some of your sheep spirit's softest wool and I want your maid spirit to make a plushy bed for the cat that I plan to adopt."_

"_YOU COULDN'T HAVE ASKED ME AT THE GUILD?!"_

"_No, because I couldn't do THIS at the guild!" Gajeel morphed his hand into a sword and held it to Plue's belly._

"_O-okay."_

_End Flashback_

"What do you want, Gajeel? I already gave you the cat-bed," Lucy shivered in fear.

"I want your sheep to use her wool to make my house sound proof. That way my Lily can sleep through a thunderstorm!" Gajeel growled in her face again, "If you don't then I'l-"

"I'll do it." Lucy cut him off before he could detail his threat. "You don't have to threaten me or my home, all you have to do is ask. Since it's for Pantherlily, I would be happy to help out."

"Oh." He let her down and awkwardly rubbed the back of his head, "Okay…"

"Besides, didn't you just get your ass kicked by Erza for threatening people at the guild this morning?"

Gajeel narrowed his eyes at her question.

Lucy rolled her eyes, "Just take me to your home."

**In the streets of Magnolia:**

Lucy and Gajeel walked silently and awkwardly down the streets of Magnolia to Gajeel's home.

Gajeel grumbled to himself, "I hope no one sees me walking with this weirdo…"

"I'm walking right next to you, I can hear you!"

"Stop screeching." He looked around to make sure no one saw them together.

Lucy rolled her eyes, "I don't want to be seen with you either so lets hurry up and get there. Where do you live?"

Gajeel grunted, "My cabin is in the woods. On the other side of this block is a path we can take."

"So, why don't we just use that alley way? I use it all the time as a shortcut to Erza's favorite bakery. We'll get there faster." She pointed to Magnolia's most cat-infested alley.

"That alley way?" His eyes were wide and his finger shook.

"Is there a problem with that alley? If I didn't know any better, I'd think you were scared." She raised a curious eyebrow.

"No… of course not… Black Steel's not afraid of anything…" He pushed her into the alleyway ahead of him.

"You don't have to push!" Lucy stomped ahead of the dragon slayer and stopped. Something was off in the familiar back alley…

~GROWL~ Lucy shook as she watched all the cats poke their heads out of the trash cans and from behind crates and other junk. They were all growling viciously and the hair on their backs were standing straight up.

"Um, this has never happened before. Usually the stray cats are very friendly." She pulled out her Sagittarius key and held it close. "Gajeel, have you been in this alley before?"

~HISS~ The cats had their ears back and had their eyes focused on the iron dragon.

"Uh… well I… maybe once." Gajeel grabbed Lucy by the shoulders and used her as a shield as he steered her through the alleyway.

"Wait!" Lucy tried to pry off his hands from her shoulders, but she could not get him to release his iron grip. "What did you do to these cats?!"

"Just hurry up and go through!" Gajeel's back stiffened when he caught a familiar scent.

~RAWRRR~ The largest cat, a black tomcat, appeared above him on some crates and looked down on him with it's ears low and it's fur standing on end.

The tomcat's pupils dilated in anger. This wasn't the first time Gajeel had paid him a visit…

_Flashback:_

_The tomcat was having a wonderful day in his favorite back alley. The local sea food vendor threw out some old fish into his personal trash can and the fleas on his back were hardly biting._

_The large black tomcat watched as a human came into the alley and started examining all the cats. This human smelled funny… like human, but mixed with metal._

"_This is frustrating… not this one either... or this one…" The metal human stomped around the alley and tripped over a bottle. It mumbled something and had tears in it's eyes. Suddenly, the metallic human gave a wide smile as it made eye contact with him._

_~MEOW?~ The tomcat questioned the human's odd behavior._

_The metallic human stood up and grasped the black tomcat by the scuff of the neck. "This one is perfect!" The human smirked and checked out the cat by lifting it's tail and then examined the teeth._

_~RAWRRR~ The tomcat latched it's nails onto the human's face and started biting and clawing relentlessly._

_~HISS~ All the cats hissed as they watched the violence unfold. A human had never dared to try to cat-nap any of them before and they would never allow it to happen again._

_End Flashback_

Lucy shivered in fright, "That big black cat looks mad at you, Gajeel."

"RUN!" Gajeel shoved Lucy away from him just as the tomcat prepared to pounce from the crate.

~RAWRRR!~ The alley cats came from all directions and latched themselves onto the metal human's skin and clothing

Lucy watched in horror as he was completely covered with the angry stray cats and they were digging their claws into every inch of his skin while biting as much flesh as they could get in their mouths. It was painful to watch, but knowing Gajeel, he probably had it coming.

"GET OFF OF ME YOU DIRTY FLEA BAGS!" He peeled two cats from his face only to see the large tomcat finally pounce from its position on the crate.

~HISSSSS~ The large tomcat sank all four of its large claws into Gajeel's face and dragged its nails in every direction that it could while sinking its large yellow teeth into the metal human's nose.

"AUUGGHHH!" Gajeel's painful scream echoed through the streets of Magnolia…

**In the forest outside of Magnolia:**

Gajeel pouted and decided that it was finally time to end the awkward silence between him and the celestial spirit mage since they ran out of the alley way. "You could have called out your stupid mermaid to wash those vermin off of me."

"I can only call out Aquarius if I have a water source. Besides, you probably deserved getting jumped by those cats. I hate to find out what you did to them. Those poor cats…"

"POOR CATS?! LOOK AT MY FACE!" All the birds flew out of the trees in the surrounding area when Gajeel yelled at Lucy.

Since running out of that alley, Lucy has been very determined not to look at Gajeel's face and finally she had permission to take a look. She turned her head and instantly wished she hadn't.

"Pt-PTT," she held her sides, "AHAHAHA!"

Gajeel's face was swollen and lumps were forming on his cheeks and forehead. His nose was enlarged, bright red, and had visible holes that leaked blood. There were deep claw marks down his cheeks and forehead as well as leftover fur covering his whole body.

"SHUT UP!" He raised a metal studded fist, "DON'T MAKE ME REMIND YOU THAT I'M NOT AFRAID TO BEAT UP GIRLS!"

"I'm not afraid of you anymore, Gajeel. Master and Erza would kick your ass if you did anything to me."

Gajeel growled, "Whatever. We're here."

"Wow! This place is cute!"

"My house is not cute," Gajeel snarled at her as he opened the door to his home and stomped inside.

Lucy walked in to find that there were sharp metal scraps all over the floor of his living room.

"Uh, are you aware that this is dangerous?" She pointed to the floor. "What if Pantherlily cuts his feet on the metal shards?"

Gajeel shrugged, "He didn't seem to mind. He just floats around the house with his wings."

"Jeez, no wonder why the bottom of your clothes are always shredded. This place is a disgusting mess-" A bright golden light disrupted Lucy's voiced thoughts.

Virgo appeared in the living room wearing a bikini, "You called, Princess?"

"Nope, I sure didn't." Lucy sighed at the maid's odd behavior.

"I'll get right to work, Princess. After that we can talk about punishment." Virgo started cleaning like a crack head.

"Hey! I wanted the sheep, not your creepy maid!" Gajeel yelled at Lucy and then turned to yell at her spirit, "Hey, Maid, those metal pieces on the floor are my dinner so don't touch them!"

Virgo ignored the homeowner and continued to pick up the pieces of metal from the floor, "Shall I arrange the pieces by color, mass, conductivity, or its position on the periodic table?"

He growled, "Arrange them by flavor." He smirked to himself thinking he would confuse the spirit back into her own world.

"Right away, Metal Master. I will arrange them by state of oxidation and density. Punishment?"

"Uh… I can punch you in the face when you're done…" Gajeel offered, confused by the request.

"Three punches would be more appropriate, Metal Master. You can also cause more damage if you pull my hair when you punch me."

Gajeel turned around to hide his blush, "What the fuck is wrong with your celestial spirit?"

Lucy rolled her eyes, "You're the one who promised to punish her…"

Gajeel fake-coughed into his hand, "Well, just call out the sheep already. I don't want anymore masochistic celestial spirits in my house."

"We don't want deal with you either! Here I thought you would be a little more civil since we both want this to get done for Pantherlily." Lucy angrily picked through her keys and pulled out Aries' key, "Open, Gate of the Ram!"

With a poof of smoke Aries appeared looking sad and timid, "I'm sorry, I'll do my best, Princess."

"Aries, have you ever used your wool to sound proof a building?" Lucy asked before Gajeel could start barking demands at the shy spirit.

"Yes, Princess. Master Karen used to make me sound proof her house and hotel rooms before she would beat me so no one could hear me scream."

Gajeel stared, "What the fuc-"

"No need to apologize, Aries. I'm just glad you can make this place thunder proof for our new comrade." Lucy shot Gajeel a deadly glare to warn him not to scare her spirit.

The iron dragon gulped and used the gentlest voice he could, "We'll start outside." He knew Lucy was protective of her spirits and he couldn't scare the lamb away or his house would never get sound proof for Lily.

The shy lamb followed him outside to begin sound proofing the home…

**In the woods outside of Magnolia:**

Pantherlily sighed as he walked back to Gajeel's house. He was ecstatic over the fact that he was accepted right into guild as Gajeel's new partner, but the actions of his partner were outrageous, embarrassing, and overwhelming. Mira laughed about being bolted to the wall and she even mentioned that she was used to it by now. The sand mage wouldn't stop crying and two others were visibly shaken by their encounter with him. Worst of all, Gajeel was terrorizing his guild mates just to make the displaced exceed more comfortable. Gajeel may have been an excellent warrior, but he also had the worst reputation in the guild.

The exceed shook his head over the story of how Gajeel destroyed and then joined the guild, "Maybe I should just find somewhere else to live since Gajeel can't get along with others…"

*clang, clang, clang* He paused to focus on the sound of metal clanging.

"I'M SORRY!" A female voice cried from the direction of Gajeel's house.

Pantherlily spread his wings and used mach speed to reach the metal cabin where he ducked inside some brush so he could see what was happening. He was surprised at what he saw:

Gajeel was holding a pink lamb-looking women bridal style. The iron dragon slayer looked annoyed, but he was using a soft voice. "You don't need to apologize, it's no big deal." He lowered her until her feet touched the ground.

"I'm sorry I fell off the roof…th- thank you for catching me." The dainty lamb shyly pulled on her pink wool out of nervousness.

Gajeel had a faint blush on his cheeks, "No problem… we got that done a lot faster than I thought it would take. Thank you for thunder proofing the house for my cat." Gajeel felt weird for thanking a sheep, but he was undeniably grateful.

The sheep lady smiled sweetly at the iron dragon. Any fear that was there before was now replaced by trust and friendship. "If you need anything else, just ask my master and I will gladly come to help."

"Uh, sure." Gajeel was still getting used to the idea that he could ask people for things rather than using threats. The entire concept was still weird to him.

He awkwardly waved at the lamb lady before she faded away and then he entered the house.

Pantherlily couldn't believe what he saw. Gajeel was being nice, the house was now thunder proof, a human-lamb helped, and then she disappeared? There were many things about Earthland that was foreign to him. Maybe it would be best if he stayed with Gajeel after all…

**Back inside the house:**

"Is it to your liking, Metal Master?" Virgo bowed while Gajeel's wide eyes took in the sight of sparkly walls and a clean shiny floor.

"Ho- how did you get the floors so shiny?" He stared down at his reflection in the metal tile flooring.

"My earth magic isn't just for digging holes, it can also buff floors. Punishment time?"

"Uh…" Gajeel looked over to Lucy, who was sitting on his couch and using cat toys to tease a playful Plue.

Lucy just shrugged and went back to playing with Plue. Virgo has been asking for punishment for as long as they have been contracted. Maybe Gajeel could be the one to get her to stop asking.

"You promised punishment when I was done." Virgo stated in a hopeful tone.

Gajeel sighed, "Sure…" He slammed the stellar spirit against the wall and bolted her wrists to the wall.

"Not so rough, Gajeel!" Lucy yelled despite the small creepy smile on Virgo's face.

Just then, the custom exceed door swung open, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING, GAJEEL?!"

"LILY, IT'S NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE!" Gajeel lowered his raised fist and patted Virgo's head.

"Metal Master is punishing me for cleaning his house," Virgo mentioned with a straight face. "He promised to punch me 3 times and to pull my hair."

"WHAT?! WHO TOURTURES HELPLESS WOMEN AFTER THEY FINISH CLEANING THE HOUSE!?" Pantherlily jumped of the ledge and morphed into his battle mode.

"Wait, Pantherlily! This really isn't as bad as it looks. Virgo is one of my spirits and this is what she wants. Please, trust me…" Lucy pleaded with the exceed.

Lily saw the honesty in Lucy's eyes and looked to her spirit who stared back emotionless. His eyes then met Gajeel's who looked incredibly embarrassed before he looked away from his partner's judgmental stare.

"Fine," the exceed growled and shifted out of battle mode.

Lucy looked to her spirit, "Sorry Virgo, but punishment is going to have to wait until next time."

"But Princess-"

"Force gate close!" Lucy turned to her comrades, "Sorry about that, my spirits have interesting personalities. I don't know why, but my spirits really like you, Gajeel." She smiled and waved to the partners and left knowing that they probably had important things to discuss. "I'll see you guys at the guild tonight!"

The door closed and an awkward silence fell over the two.

"Uh, the maid… she asked for… punishment as… payment… for cleaning…" Gajeel's face turned bright red.

"Oh. Well… uh… I didn't know you and Lucy were into that-"

"WE aren't into that! The maid is!"

"Sure, Gajeel. Whatever you say…"

"Thank you for thunder proofing the house for me. I see you are a man of your word." Lily smiled at his new partner.

Gajeel returned a genuine smile, "No problem, Buddy!"

"Gajeel, I was just wondering… what happened to your face? It looks like you have cat scratches everywhere."

* * *

**Much appreciation to everyone who followed and favorited this story! The Evil Stick hopes that you enjoyed reading this fic. REVIEW and feel free to flame. **

Still feel like laughing? Follow The Evil Stick or check out The Evil Stick's other stories:

_Wendy's First S-Class Mission_: Only Wendy can heal the fatal STD threatening the entire guild of Blue Pegasus.

_A Day in the Life of Aquarius_: A collection of short stories explaining why Aquarius is such a bitch.

_To Emulate Gajeel_: Jet and Droy secretly follow Gajeel and Pantherlily on a job in order to impress Levy.

**COMING SOON… **_Professor Erza's Mandatory Sex-Ed Class_: A side story to Wendy's First S-Class Mission. (Rated M for extreme raunchiness)


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